Blended Families: The Beautiful Chaos That Nobody Talks About!

4 minutes ago
6 min read

Halloooooooooo!

I know… before I even start this one that’s been buzzing around and driving me crazy for the last few months, I have huge apologies to make.

It’s been quite a while since I put pen to paper (or should that be fingers to keyboard?) and wrote a blog. I’m not going to make excuses.

All I’ll say is that life got in the way for a bit—and sometimes, you have to pay attention when it does.

Anyhoo, musers… I’m back. And it’s not just a January resolution either—or should that be a May resolution? I’ve had my time out, and it’s time to jump back on the horse… although, to be honest, it feels more like a donkey at the moment!

You are an utterly gorgeous bunch of humans, and whilst we can all do with a little self-reflection and goal-setting for self-improvement, the reality is that trying to change myself with unrealistic goals and expectations at the beginning of every new season is counterproductive and can have a hugely negative impact on overall mental health.

I am learning that small steps in the right direction are not only healthier but so much more doable, and they won’t leave you wanting to crawl under your desk and cry whilst self-soothing with a bottle of wine!

Therein lies the lesson, musers!

Don’t make resolutions—make small changes.

Don’t set unrealistic goals that will leave you feeling like a failure.

Don’t crawl under your desk at work and cry (because they might send you to the asylum).

And one last thing—don’t self-soothe with wine.

It’s a slippery slope, and now I’m hitting my late 40s, the hangovers truly do come from hell 🤢

Anyway… I’m stepping off my soapbox because, if you haven’t already picked up on it, this was not what I wanted to waffle about today. The title will have hopefully given that away but if not, I’m clearly out of practice and having a menopause moment, so that’s my excuse.

I wanted to touch a little on blended families today. And as those of you who follow the page know, we do have quite the blended family.

My two are both from different marriages. Mr T has three—two from his first marriage and his youngest from a long-term relationship after that ended.

I also have my “adopted” children who technically belong to my best friend, the lovely Rebecca, but I’ve known them since they were little whippersnappers, along with a collection of the older kids’ partners who are regularly here now as well, which is lovely.

They’re like my adopted children… alongside the asylum full of children that actually belong to me 🤣

As you can imagine, that means we have quite a mix of personalities and characters in the house. I’d say… the Heinz 57 of families (is that still a thing, or am I really showing my age?).

It’s been an interesting two years learning to navigate everything that being a blended family means, and I don’t mind telling you, musers… it’s not easy.

Based on statistics (you’ve got to love a statistic), 42% of UK marriages end in divorce.

Now, that’s a conversation for another day, but let’s just stop for a second and absorb that number. 42% is almost 1 in 2 UK marriages.

I don’t know about you, but that makes me really sad. I know I’ve personally contributed to that number with my two, but despite them not working out, it’s never changed how I feel about marriage.

I believe in it from the very core of my being.

It’s not about a piece of paper although I know many view it that way.

For me, it’s always been about standing in front of the person you love and want to grow old with and promising them that even through the worst of times, you won’t leave.

That no matter who comes into your life, you won’t stray.

That whatever battles life throws at you, you’ll fight them side by side, united and steadfast, even when the journey feels insurmountable. Marriage is most definitely not for the faint-hearted or easily swayed, and a good marriage takes courage and commitment.

When the wedding is over, the hard work truly begins, but within that beautiful, crazy whirlwind of learning and growing, you are beginning your life together.

For it to work, you have to learn to choose your human every single day… even when you might not like them very much.

Marriage is learning to work together to benefit the whole family, not just yourself.

It’s knowing that commitment sometimes means compromise, and that can be tough.

It’s learning to communicate in a way that works for both of you, even when you don’t want to talk because without communication, a relationship is dead in the water.

Without honest, open dialogue, even the strongest marriages will falter.

Communication truly is key.

I could go on and on, but as with change… marriage isn’t actually what I wanted to muse on.

At the moment, I’m just feeling the mood and following the vibe.

Who knows where we’ll end up with this, musers.

Just stay with me… I promise it’ll be worth it.

Because we live in a time with a huge number of divorced couples, it stands to reason that many relationships will include children with different parents, and as I’m sure many of you know… that’s when things can get really tough.

Learning to navigate the ups and downs of parenting children who aren’t biologically your own without stepping on toes can be terrifying. We don’t talk about this subject enough as a society, and whilst that doesn’t surprise me, it’s something we need to change.

If 1 in 2 couples are getting divorced, this is a very real situation for a huge number of people. And the more open we are about the pros and cons of blending families, the easier it might be for someone just stepping into that world.

I recently got my two-year “blended family” chip, and it’s been a mix of incredible, amazing, life-changing experience alongside really hard days where I could have walked out the door and kept walking.

For a woman (I can’t speak from a man’s point of view), it’s really tough to navigate an environment with children who aren’t biologically yours.

I’ve always admitted I’m not a natural mother.

I found motherhood really difficult. I was raising adults, and sometimes I forgot those adults were still kids.

Now musers, don’t get me wrong. I have two incredible, not-so-little children, both of whom I am unbelievably proud of, but I’m sure they’d agree I got it wrong more than I got it right.

One thing they’ve never had to question though was that mum was there… and that she would kill for them.

(No unnecessary murder to date although there were definitely a few close calls😉).

Occasionally… those instincts still make a comeback. Consider that your warning.

As they hit adulthood, I thought I’d finally get to breathe.

That this was my time to step back, relax, and focus on me. Oh… how wrong I was.

Mr T and the brood came along, and suddenly the peace I’d longed for was gone, and my life was thrown straight back into chaos.

But here’s the thing.

What you learn very quickly is that whether you’re a natural mum or not, when you bring new children into your life, you start to feel a responsibility not just to your partner, but to the kids themselves.

You have also forgetten the little things your own kids grew out of years ago, and adjusting back to that can be tough.

Balls being thrown in the house (big no-no).

Climbing on furniture.

Leaving dishes lying around.

And my personal favourite—not flushing the toilet. Honestly… the things I’ve seen.

But what you also forget are the moments that make it all worth it.

The cuddles on the sofa just because they want to be close.

The cheeky little smiles when they know they’re being mischievous, and you secretly approve.

The moment they trust you enough to talk about something important.Or ask which dress to wear.

The joy they share when something goes right.

And the heartbreak they bring to you when something goes wrong.

A blended family is not for the faint-hearted. It’s hard, emotional, chaotic, and loud, but it’s also incredible.

There are three new humans I’ve become a trusted figure for.

Three new humans who know that no matter what, they just have to ask. I will have their back.

They might not be biologically mine, but that’s what makes it so special.

They were my choice.

I didn’t just choose Mr T.

I chose the three lives that came with him. Just as he chose the two that came with me.

I’m not going to lie. You need balls the size of Wyoming to take on someone else’s children (especially when you have mum to consider too). But if you have it in you, it can be one of the most rewarding experiences you will ever have.

I struggle at times—yes. It’s bloody hard. But do you know what?

I honestly wouldn’t change it for the world.

Until next time xx

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