Put Your Mask On First

As you are taking off from the airport to go to sunny Spain, the flight attendants always go through a pre-flight safety brief just in case the plane decides to fly in the wrong direction.

(For those of you wondering, that's down!)

We all know that if that happens, there is a good chance that all the safety tips on the planet are not going to help, but maybe there is something comforting in the process not just for the passengers, but for the attendants themselves.

Personally, it just reminds me that we might all die in an explosion of epic proportions which is never a fun thing to be reminded of.

If you haven't already guessed, I am not great when it comes to the process of flying.

I do love being in the air though, and I always aim for the window seat next to the wing.

I mean, come on - how else are you going to pretend to be William Shatner in the Twilight Zone saying "There's something on the wing...." (Insert laughing emoji right here!)

The twilight zone moment has become a tradition for me when I fly, much like the safety demonstration.

The utter silliness is equal parts comforting and ridiculous, and helps to reduce the stress of the possibility of becoming a human fireball if things don't go to plan.

Anyway, I digress...

In amongst all the arm waving, smiling and reassurance are five little words that have become so unbelievably important to me over the last 24 months and I wanted to share them with you.

PUT YOUR MASK ON FIRST

For those of you who are a little confused right now, bear with me. I promise, this is going somewhere.

We all know that in the extreme emergency of cabin pressure dropping, the masks drop from above and before you even consider helping anyone else out, you put yours on. After all, in an emergency where you can't breathe properly, how much use are you going to be in reality to anyone else?

Its a scary thought.

There is truly no getting away from that but its also something that you should be utilising in your daily life. Those five words are gold when it comes to looking after you because guess what...... if you don't look after you then you can't look after anyone else!

One of the things that I have discovered with this blog is that I am sharing experiences with you that I thought I would bury and pretend had never happened, but in reality, to share the lessons I learned from them, I have to be honest about why those lessons were learnt.

As a mum of two amazing not so little people, I have put so much on hold and not considered myself for a huge portion of my life.

Let me just say, I don't say this to brag. I struggled immensely with it. We are inherently selfish and its hard to give up everything that matters because you have to look after someone else. I am the first person to admit that at times, I found motherhood exceptionally hard. Shame their dads weren't the same but thats a whole other story!

There were moments that I resented having to put my dreams and hopes on hold because there are so many of them. I had so much I wanted to do but being a mum put a stop to a lot of it.

The thing was though, I spent a lot of time looking at what I was missing out on and not appreciating the moments that I had that were unique, precious and so unbelieveably special.

I was so blessed. As a single parent, I had all those moments that dad missed out on. Dad was a babysitter - his words, not mine - but I got the first words. The first steps. The school plays and the cards. The conversations about the things that were important to them. The moments where they stood up for what they believed in at school, even though it went against the norm. The chats on the walk between home and school - school and home. All those magical moments that made up amazing memories for me and allowed me to inch just a little bit closer with each moment to the most important people in my life.

The thing is, as a single mum, its really easy to forget about what you need to be able to be the best you can be for your kids. That goes for anyone in any situation but if we are talking about my experience, being the person my kids needed was paramount, and that required me to be a little bit selfish and consider myself and my needs as well.

The whole idea of put your mask on first is so important and its not something you should be doing as a result of an emergency. You cannot deal with the emergency if thats when you are finally placing that mask on. It has hit too much at that point.

I spent several years not considering me at all. It resulted in anti-anxiety medication, anti-depressants and a minor nervous breakdown where I couldn't stop crying and ended up lying in bed for five days not eating or drinking. I stared at the wall and I contemplated all the ways that I could end the misery.

The thing that stopped me was my kids.

They quite literally saved my life.

It was a case of not wanting one of them to walk in and see my dead body lying there. It was a case of knowing that no matter what I was feeling, they needed their mum there to help them through their shit and that taking that away would be more selfish than anything else I could do.

That was the moment that 'PUT YOUR MASK ON FIRST' began to make sense.

I pulled myself out of my slump, I had a shower and I washed my hair and I made the choice to look after me so that I could look after the people who were most important to me.

You see, the thing is, I had spent so long looking after everybody else and prioritising their needs above mine that I had allowed my own self care to disappear.

I had forgotten that I needed care too, and the thing is, when people are used to you looking after them, they don't always return the favour.

I would just like to clarify that my kids were never like that. They have always been incredibly caring and incredibly aware of times that have been difficult, but there were people in my life who took and took and didn't return the favour when needed.

The glass was drunk dry and never refilled and over a period of time, that destroyed me. I was not able to cope with anything thrown at me individually never mind what those I loved around me needed.

We are brought up not to be selfish and to always be there for other people, but in doing that, we forget about ourselves and what we need. We need the support, the care and the love just as much as those people we give it to.

This is why putting your own mask on first becomes so unbelievably important. For you to support those people around you, you need to look after you.

It will look different for everyone of us.

For some of us it will be shopping, for others a spa day. For people like myself, its quiet time, meditation, reading and general chillling. On the odd ocasion a sweaty session at the gym! Whatever that self care is, its essential to your survival. Its essential to the survival of the people around you.

Its the difference between being your best self not just for you but for those people you love as well. Self care is not about being selfish but about self preservation and being the absolute best person you can be for the people that you love.

Until next time.............