So musers, its been a funny couple of weeks. What can I tell you? Life takes the strangest turns and while you can't always change that, sometimes it really isn't a bad thing. We are so used to trying to control everything that sometimes a curve ball really knocks us off kilter, but in the process, it opens up doors we had never even considered. Once upon a time, many moons ago, we had to kinda just go with the flow. We had to trust in the process and believe that if things were right, we would find ourselves where we needed to be. If they weren't, we wouldn't. Life was a gamble and there were no guarantees. To a degree, there still isn't that solid guarantee, but somewhere over the last 30 or so years, that uncertainty has gone and we have a level of control that maybe we were never supposed to. What happened to trusting in the universe? What happened to putting yourself out there and taking a risk? For those of you in the know - where did the elevator pitch go? For those of you who don't know what that is, its the speech you would give if you found yourself in an elevator with a minute to sell yourself and what you do to the person most able to get you there. That ability to succintly and concisely explain why what you have to offer far outweighs anyone else in a short few sentences seems to have gone. Don't get me wrong - I love the internet. The world has suddenly become so much smaller. We have suddenly been put in a position where we can have active relationships with people on the other side of the world. We can see family that we wouldn't have been able to see otherwise. We can run a business successfully in one country from a completely different part of the world. We can have a meeting and not have to catch a flight and stay in a hotel. The internet is an incredible thing. It offers so many opportunities. So much possibility. So many exchanges between so many different people, but the question is, do all those amazing opportunities come at a cost? In amongst that ability to see the world in all its colours, cultures and incredible wonder, are we selling something of what makes us ultimately human, personal and private? Have we chosen to given up that privacy and mystery that everyone of us holds for the right to be able to see into the intricacies and intimate moments of other peoples lives? I am a little bit of an introvert. I always have been. I find if people show up at my door unannounced, it causes an immense amount of stress. I like to know what to expect. As my kids like to tell me, its the 'tisms! I get over stimulated and I struggle to keep the anxiety at bay. For me, privacy and personal space is an incredibly important thing. As someone who straddles pre-internet and today, its a complicated state of affairs. There are elements of the internet that nobody can deny are beneficial. For example, as someone who loves a true crime podcast and attempts regularly to understand the psychology behind a serial killer, the whole 'big brother' state suggests that someone who would commit those kinds of crimes can be caught easier than 50 years ago. On the other hand, has giving up our right to privacy had a huge impact on our lives as a whole? Many people would argue that if you have nothing to hide, it shouldn't be an issue. I sit on the other side of the argument. I don't have anything to hide, but I also believe I have a right to my privacy. I believe that we all do. I believe that the more civil rights we willingly hand over, the more we run the risk of martial law and complete control over our day to day lives and I truly believe there have already been attempts to get to that point. We watched the government shut the country down only a couple of years ago and we are still seeing the fallout now. People are only just starting to see the damage that this did not only medically but economically. How many people were aware that 3 months after we hit lockdown, the CDC downgraded COVID? How many people were made aware openly in the press that Public Health England released a document that categorically stated that at least one of the vaccines reduced the efficacy of the immune system by almost 50%? We watched the world stop. We were fed statistics every day in the press without any real context. People were fed fear, destruction and devastation but weren't demanding the facts. Every COVID death recorded in the UK was a result of someone testing positive within 28 days of them passing. It didn't matter if they died from a terminal disease or an accident. They were recorded as a COVID death. The reality was that over the bulk of the lockdown period in the UK, the amount of people who actually passed as a result of COVID was under 5000, and most had other diseases that vastly increased morbidity. The fallout from COVID has cost so much more than the economical expense. We see children who should have been developing their social skills as lockdown hit now in a position where they struggle to be in groups. They are not sure how to behave and the fear of doing something wrong is overwhleming. Suicide rates increased by 200% during lockdown. Domestic abuse calls increased by a massive and terrifying 65%. Cancer treatments were postponed which resulted in a huge amount of treatable cancers becoming terminal. Patients who were not able to get diagnosed in time found themselves with life threatening diagnoses as a result. I could go on but I won't. The point I suppose I am making is that we have this incredible tool at our fingertips but we also have a responsibility to ourselves to preserve the lessons of the past. Absolutely use this amazing tool to open up your world. Use it for the incredible benefits that it offers but then switch it off. It will take over your life and all of a sudden, an incredible tool becomes a harness that controls every aspect of your life. Facebook, instagram, linkedin, snapchat..... the list goes on. Its made the world so much smaller but with every tap on a keyboard, every single message, every single vocal cue, how much of who we are are we giving away? How much control are we giving to somthing that already has way too much? We followed the narrative for 3 years and for those of us who stood up against it, seeing the veil being lifted now is a small victory. The world you live in within your phone is a world that is dictated by advertisers, government, business... its a world that you think you control but the reality is that it controls you. Break free. These are not your monkeys. This is not your circus. Switch the phone off. Lift your head up. Breathe the fresh air. See the world around you. Switch off the celebrity. Switch off the crazy. Switch off the worlds version of reality. See what everyday life has to offer when you don't live inside a virtual world. Its beautiful and do you know what? Its yours for the taking if you just bite the bullet and accept that real life is in front of you and not behind a screen. Until next time........

A Love Letter to Motherhood As little girls, we all dream about the day our baby doll will eventually be real and will be our very own little bundle of joy that we can cuddle and feed and sing to. It's an almost guaranteed part of growing up, and for most will become a reality as they get older. Unfortunately, what nobody tells you about during those perfect childhood years where your little plastic baby doesn’t cry or poop or throw milk up all over you, is that babies aren’t really like your favourite doll. You can’t cut their hair or draw on their face or carry them around by one leg – who would have thought it! You can’t throw them in the toy box when you’re done playing or leave them lying in a mud patch outside in the rain. They are loud and messy, and they really smell sometimes! When reality hits, it's like a thousand nuclear nappies have gone off and you ran out of baby wipes to clean up the mess. Its war baby, and you have just been thrust into hand-to-hand combat with the mother of all ninjas and no idea how to fight them! Poop, pee, vomit, tears, tantrums, night feeds, day feeds, cold food, cold coffee, toys everywhere, no sleep, the quickest showers in the entire history of the world EVER, your very own Houdini that can get into everything, random strangers thinking they can touch them in public.....the list goes on and on and on. It's enough to turn a saint into a quivering wreck, but - and this is the important bit - what they also don’t tell you is just how incredible and lifechanging becoming a mother is. I am lucky enough to have had the pleasure of being mum to two who are not so little now, but becoming a mum is without a doubt, the most amazing and worthwhile thing I have and will ever do. What I have learnt about motherhood is that not only is it the hardest job in the world but it's also the most rewarding, however you do spend the rest of your life feeling guilty for every decision you make! You question and second guess yourself every time you tell them off or alternately, let something slide. You feel awful because you didn’t make your Bolognese from scratch. You worry that you have given them too much fizzy pop or maybe, you are being too strict with it and my goodness – that is like a gateway drug to a sugar addiction and who knows where that could lead? By the time you’re done imagining their future, they are shooting up heroin in a ditch whilst glugging down a bottle of full fat, all the sugar in the world, Coca Cola! You see how crazy us mothers become? We develop an innate ability to overthink everything and turn it into a disaster of epic proportions! (insert laughing face emoji!!) I hear you asking, wasn’t this supposed to be a love letter to motherhood? It's coming, I promise. You see, I also remember the first time I experienced what felt like a kaleidoscope of butterflies in my stomach at around 4 months pregnant. I remember how reality suddenly hit, and from that moment on, I began to develop a bond with this little, tiny human that was growing inside me. That was the moment I became a mum. I remember both of their births - vividly! It was equal parts excruciating pain and exquisite wonder as I experienced bringing my babies into this world and held them in my arms for the first time, knowing instantly that I would never feel love like it for anything else in my entire life. I remember the first time they smiled at me, their first words, the first time they crawled and walked and the first they told me they loved me. These were precious moments that will forever hold a place in my heart. I wasn’t the best mum. Without a doubt I got it wrong and continue to do so. One thing I do know though is that my two, despite their craziness, are without a doubt the best thing that has ever happened to me, so this is for all those mums out there who are just like me. Listen up and listen good ladies...... You are enough. So what if you don’t cook every meal from scratch and the Xbox or IPad occasionally babysits when you are trying to catch up on three days of washing. So what if you haven’t had the chance to vacuum in the last couple of days or bleached the bathroom to within an inch of its life. So what if your usual family time this week has been spent watching a movie because you are too tired from working and then coming home to ‘mum’ stuff. So what?  Your kids love you. Read that again........YOUR KIDS LOVE YOU! You are truly their world, and when they leave home, they won’t remember how many times a week you vacuumed, or what bleach you used to clean the house. They will remember the ninja hugs and the sloppy kisses! They will remember the movie nights and the days out splodging in muddy puddles. They will remember the way you nursed them when they were sick. They will remember building snowmen and crafting and collecting leaves in the Autumn. They will remember the things that actually matter, and they will love you even more for every minute of it. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Your littles will grow up quickly, and all those special moments will be gone in a flash. Enjoy them while they are young and give yourself a pat on the back for being there and loving them the way they needed to be loved. Happy Mother's Day to all you amazing ladies out there and remember....don’t be too hard on yourself. You have never needed to be perfect. You just need to be mum. Until next time.......

I don't know about you, but for me there are moments where everything just clicks. Moments where it all becomes simple. The world disappears, the noise goes quiet, and all of a sudden there is nothing but you and the task that you are focussed on. The world stops spinning and for a brief period of time, everything comes together. Its a sweet spot. Anyone with a creative drive will understand that sweet spot. Its the moment that everything comes together in a convergence, and the overwhelming drive to express yourself is given free rein. Its a need that has to be filled. A hunger that has to be fed. The drive behind creativity comes from an almost selfish obsession for recognition of everything that makes you who you are. Its a need to share yourself with the world and feel and experience everything that goes along with that. The creative urge is a combination of self expression, desire, passion and arrogance that fuels a need to be seen. A need to be relevant and to make a difference. Its a blessing and a curse. For those of you that have never experienced it, I envy you and pity you in equal amounts. I know that is a difficult reality to grasp but let me explain. The creative is a pathetic and wistful creature. We live in a world that aches and pulsates with possibillity, and when we are embracing it, we are the most powerful being in the world. The problem lies in those moments where you begin to doubt your ability. You doubt that you have what it takes, and you begin to lose faith that you will ever bring your vision to life. The black clouds drift in and block the light and you begin to question everything that you are, everything that you have the potential to be and everything that you have already been. We are our own biggest critics and believe me when I tell you, we tear strips from our souls. We don't think twice about mentally destroying who we are and what we have to offer becauses we don't believe we will ever be enough. A true creative will journey to hell in pursuit of the things that matter to them. They will destroy and rebuild, destroy and rebuild, and destroy and rebuild again until they are a shell of their former selves, grasping desperately at a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe this will be the moment they are recognised. It is a curse to see the world in the way that we do, but also a blessing because that abillity to see beyond the veil of normality opens up infinite possibilities and interpretations of life. We see parallel dimensions where others see their daily existence. We watch stories unfold in the single breath of a windy day whilst others wrap themselves up in a scarf and curse the weather. We look at the sky and see frames of imagery that opens up portals and takes us on untold journeys into distant lands. We are the dreamers. We are the poets. We are the story tellers and the painters, the people who take the possbilities of life, existence and everything inbetween and give it a face, a name and a soul. We open up the doors to everything that seems impossible and hold your hand while we guide you into another type of being. A new type of seeing. A chance to experience a life so far from your own existence that it becomes alnost a dream. Creativity is the crux of existence. It is the being that encourages independent thought and personal development. It is the alpha and omega, the ying and yang, the very part of your soul that can build you up or destroy you completely. Its an understanding of who you are inside. Not the person the world see's, or even who those closest to you see but that quiet voice tht whispers in the dark. The voice that only you hear and the urge that drives you to express your deepest desires, your darkest thoughts, your very purpose. It lies within every single one of us, some so much stronger than others, but we all experience that inexplicable craving at some point in our lives. Whether we go with it or ignore it is up to us, but it will always sit there, dormant, like a weight in our chest until we are ready to open our hearts and let the need within us flow into something beautiful. The only guarantee I can make is that denying your creative instinct will slowly poison your soul. The resistance will draw you into the depths of despair and the determination to ignore those gifts will remove all that is good and whole and special from your life. This is you. You at your most pure. You at your most divine. You being in a place to offer a gift to the world that is unique and distinctive and inexplicable. This is your chance to leave a legacy that matters. A legacy that speaks to peoples hearts, that enriches their soul, that opens up their own possibility to them. The world would have you refuse this gift, the very part of you that makes you unique and offers a bounty of wealth to those who would accept it. It would have you deny the beauty of a creative endeavour and convince you that its a waste of time. It would encourage you to throw aside all that opens your soul to life and its myriad of possibilities. It would discourage you from exploring the outer reaches of reality and the incredible adventures that lie within an open heart and a childlike mind that opens itself up to an eternal amount of possibilities and adventures. The idea of creativity and thinking that is outside the box is a terrifying concept to those who would seek to control. It is a guarantee of rebellion, of resistance and of revolution, and a precursor to a demand for change that will not be stopped. Creativity is expectation, demand, understanding how much more we are worth, and the knowledge that our value is not being seen. It opens up a world of possibility but also a world of reality that requires us to swallow our fear and fight for what we know at our core is right, no matter how difficult and frightening standing up may be. Creativity is the beginning of a call to arms. A call for better. A call for expression and freedom and the allowance to live in a way that is right. It is the beginning of a battle for our very souls and the recognition of what makes us unique, individual and inherently special. It is you. It is me. It is us, and it is only who we are if we allow ourelves to open our hearts, look inside and be the truth that makes us eveything that we are, everything that we can be and everything that is still to be. Until next time......

When you get to mix work with pleasure, there is nothing better! Being able to write alongside working full time allows me to flex those creative muscles and keeps me almost sane. Honest! If you want to see what I do, check out a few of the links below. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/time-heart-normedica-x3ute%3FtrackingId=6U4xP0USlrX7iKZ5J2PYJw%253D%253D/?trackingId=6U4xP0USlrX7iKZ5J2PYJw%3D%3D https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/rise-superbug-lets-talk-antibiotics-normedica%3FtrackingId=mGgwPdKMTTeEmZtj%252Fki2%252Fw%253D%253D/?trackingId=mGgwPdKMTTeEmZtj%2Fki2%2Fw%3D%3D https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/life-plastic-far-from-fantastic-normedica%3FtrackingId=FkImo7nAkcq%252FnqnWam%252BnlQ%253D%253D/?trackingId=FkImo7nAkcq%2FnqnWam%2BnlQ%3D%3D https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/lets-talk-stress-normedica%3FtrackingId=JQ%252Fgw4G63OXYdvKRtOCD0w%253D%253D/?trackingId=JQ%2Fgw4G63OXYdvKRtOCD0w%3D%3D https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/you-kidney-me-lets-talk-health-normedica%3FtrackingId=uV2L0jVpORCrHi6JINvDrA%253D%253D/?trackingId=uV2L0jVpORCrHi6JINvDrA%3D%3D https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/lets-talkthe-big-c-normedica%3FtrackingId=2vLdoC1Z0DJEPtWH4iVb6g%253D%253D/?trackingId=2vLdoC1Z0DJEPtWH4iVb6g%3D%3D https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/new-year-you-normedica%3FtrackingId=%252Fg3vQm2mL5y0Cbm7Tnc3tQ%253D%253D/?trackingId=%2Fg3vQm2mL5y0Cbm7Tnc3tQ%3D%3D https://upnorthbranding.co.uk/to-brand-or-not-to-brand-that-is-the-question/

Sometimes I think I am all growed up and then someone comes into my house and tells me its like walking into a 16 year olds bedroom..... rude! To be fair, it wasn't meant in a horrible way and its more true than I care to admit, but it got me to thinking. I am 47 this year, (say it quick and it isn't so bad). Maybe there is a small part of me that is clinging desperately on to my childhood because I really don't want to admit I am not a spring chicken anymore. The question is, is that really such a bad thing? Honest answer, I don't know - but what I do know is that no matter how old we are - us girls just really wanna have fun, and being a woman of a certain age, sometimes that feels like its not allowed! I was incredibly lucky to have a fab childhood. We didn't have a huge amount when it came to money or 'stuff'. There were a lot of hand-me-downs and jumble sale type bits but what we did have in spades was laughter, memory making and heaps of fun. You see, I think I get my need to be a big kid at times from my dad. Once he realised that martial law wasn't the way to raise four completely feral kids and he started to really relax, he became this huge ball of energy and vibrance that could fill a room. I do believe that some of that presence was a symptom of small man syndrome - sorry dad! At 5ft 4 inches and 3/4's, (the 3/4's is very important), he may not be the tallest person in the room but he was, and continues still to be, the biggest man in my life! My mum, bless her heart, had to be the grown up a lot of the time because my dad worked away a lot, but on those occasions where she could relax and let out her mischievous side, she was probably the biggest kid of us all! She would be the one dancing outside the City Hall in Newcastle as we walked past because Tom Jones was playing. She would be the one telling us stories about the upside down man in the tree at Jesmond Dene who was in fact an evil wizard that had been trapped there. No word of a lie musers! There is an upside down man in a tree there, and the stories not only gave us hours of fun as kids, but they also allowed me to take my kids on epic adventures somewhere that cost nothing but the time to get there. Obviously I adapted the legends a little and souped it up because, as a writer of the highest order, (let me just dust off my shoulders), that is just what I do. By the time I was done with the evil wizard, there were fairies, unicorns, elves, dragons and precarious cliffs to walk along with crocodiles waiting below for someone to fall to their death...... the narratives were endless! That sense of fun and adventure was echoed in the movies we watched as we grew up. Legend, Krull, Princess Bride, Dark Crystal, Flight of Dragons, Labyrinth, The Neverending Story..... I could go on and on. Always fantasy, always good fighting evil and so many unbelivable worlds that you could disappear and get lost in. I still consider some of those movies my go to movies now as an adult. When the world seems a little dark and my way feels lost, I hearken back to those movies because they bring me home. They remind me that no matter what gets thrown at you, if you just look inside, you can take on anything. You just have to believe in yourself and everything that you are and have faith that it will all come good if you just follow your heart. Between adventures in parks and movies with epic creatures and stories of triumph over evil, I was also a reader. My head was always in a book, usually some type of fantasy. I am a sucker for a dragon! You see, the beauty of a book is that when you open those pages and you read those first few lines, you are transported into a whole other existence. Between the pages of a book I have battled monsters, ridden dragons, fallen in love and hidden from killers. I have experienced love and loss and laughed out loud until I cried. I have had epic jouneys through mountains and valleys and bravely fought shoulder to shoulder with companions - some of whom didn't survive but whose contribution to the story will never, ever be forgotten. My heart broke when people were lost. All these people became friends, carrying me through some incredibly difficult times and reminding me that no matter how hard things may seem, it is always darkest before the dawn. My worlds are endless within the pages of books and my experiences have been, and continue to be, legion. You see, fun isn't always an external thing. Sometimes its quiet, discreet and intimate. The pages of a book are the opportunity to journey to another life in a way that only you will ever experience, and that can change your whole outlook on life. Even in fantasy there is so much to be learned. Tenacity, determination, unshakeable commitment to what you believe in, and a lust for life that even in the most difficult times is never lost! Life is but a moment, fleeting and precious in the sands of time - gathering speed and moving so much quicker than any of us would like. The possibilities are endless if we only dare to step outside what makes us comfortable and experience the incredible worlds that are out there for the taking. That, believe it or not starts with fun. It starts with creativity. It starts with the ability to think outside of the box and refuse to believe that we are the sum of what we appear to be. You are so much more than that. I am so much more than that. Next time someone suggests something you think you're too old for, instead of saying no but secretly wishing you had said yes - do it. Play the dinosaur golf . Go cold water swimming. Look for shapes in the clouds. Tell the stories of the fairies and elves living in the woods that you visit to your kids. Take your shoes off and feel the earth cold and damp beneath your feet. Paddle in the sea in the middle of January. Bury your head in an epic adventure that opens up your world. Live, live again and then live somemore because the only regrets you will ever have in life are the things you didn't do. The fun and growth is right there for the taking if you are just brave enough to try! Have faith in who you are musers and grab for everything that you can be. Until next time.........

I don't know about all of you, but I love a hug. Not just a quick arms around and then let go though. It has to be a proper ninja hug, without the bleeding and nunchucks obvs - maybe with a bit of a squeeze. Something that says I love you, I care about you and I want you to be happy. Something that makes you feel safe, wanted, part of something more, something special, something utterly unique. A proper hug, one given with love, care, generosity of spirit and openness can change the feeling of a day. It can go from feeling like you are trying to wade through mud to feeling light and unburdened again. It is a way of telling someone that you have got them when you know they need it without even needing to open your mouth. I am sure you're wondering what an earth I am babbling on about in my usual, slightly disjointed way. I shall tell you now my friends. January 21st is International hug day. Yay! A whole day dedicated to hugs! (insert caring emoji here) Go figure. A day that actually celebrates hugging and the awesome power that they have. The day came about in the States when a bunch of psychology and medical students joined forces to share the power of the hug with friends, family and complete strangers who probably thought they were all absolutely bonkers until they were being hugged and feeling the awesome power of it. Even better, unlike most American holidays, this one is completely free and benefits you just as much as everyone else! (Happy dance) I am a huge hugger. Not everyone else feels this way, but for me, its not just the comfort that comes from a proper hug but also the intimacy of that brief interaction with whomever you are clinging on to. A hug for me gives an overwhelming sense of security, especially when things are difficult. It instills calm and relaxation which for those of you who know me know well, are not emotions I experience often! The rest of you just be grateful you don't have to sit in an office with me every day! I am very lucky because the people I have around me are also huggers which means there is always a hug to be had from someone when its needed. I stem from a family of huggers and my youngest loves a hug. Honestly, I expected that all to stop as he became a teenager but he still hugs me and tells me he loves me every single day. Those are the moments that truly are priceless. I am however still working on my oldest. He doesn't really do the hugging thing but there is plenty of time for that. Maybe on my death bed eh! I totally advocate a hug. I know for me, with the mental health side of things, they truly can be lifechanging. For those of you who have been with me from the start, you will know some of the issues that I have experienced. I have found that sometimes, when my anxiety is high and I cannot settle, a hug can be the most incredible cure. There is something about being in the arms of someone who loves you when you are spiralling out of control. Something that says, 'I've got you - you've got this. We will work through it together'. Your heartbeat slows down, you begin to breathe again and suddenly, the world doesn't seem quite so frightening and overwhelming. The support that comes from a hug is so much more than just physical. We are all one, all brothers and sisters sharing this spinning ball flying through space, and when your arms are wrapped around someone, you connect with them at an almost metaphysical level. Its a true blessing to be able to share that kind of intimacy with the people around you, and not something that should be taken lightly. All I can say is make sure you hug the people you love everyday. Not just a cursory hug because you have to, but a long, strong embrace that communicates how important they are to you, and how grateful you are to have them in your lives. Life is fleeting, and you never know when the last time will come that you get the chance to feel them in your arms. My name is Rebecca. I believe in the power of the hug. I am a hugger. Join me and make the world a warmer, more loving place - one hug at a time! Until next time............

Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted to take on the world. She wanted to study sharks in their natural habitat, she wanted to write, she wanted to fight battles that other people couldn't, she wanted to photograph and report on the brutality and violence of war so that the world knew what was going on and would maybe stand up and say 'NO MORE'. She wanted to sing and act and she wanted to be Prime Minister because being in that position would give her the opportunity to make real change that would help real people. That little girl was me. 40 something years later, (nope, I am not revealing the something), I think about that little girl and all those dreams and wonder what happened. Where did those dreams feel like failures, and when did her view on the world change? Where did she lose herself and the things that were important to her, and then I realise - there was no failure. There were paths taken and lessons learned, but actually, she achieved a lot of what she wanted to. Its been done quietly, behind closed doors and not in the public eye like she imagined it would, but that little girl has achieved a lot more than she gives herself credit for, and she continues to work hard on the things that she believes are important. Its just that her view on the world changed as she got older. Black and white became shades of grey. Staunch beliefs became more fluid as her understanding of the world and people began to develop and grow, and the small world she had surrounded herself with grew exponentionally, creating exciting and new opportunities to learn and develop. You're probably asking yourself right now, what the devil has that to do with goosfraba, and you would be right to! Stay with me though, I am getting to it. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the phrase, it comes from the film Anger Management. I would highly recommend watching it if you haven't. Its an absolute riot! Whilst I can't imagine that there is anything in there that would offend anyone, don't blame me if it does offend you in some way! There is an off switch on your telly, you don't have to finish it and life is too short for that kind of nonsense! (Insert winky face here). Anyhoo, goosfraba is a word that eskimos actually use to calm their children down, and if you've seen the film you will know that it is used with Jack Nicholsons patients when they start to lose their tempers. Anger is the only thing you can't get rid of by losing it, and this provided his patients with a way of refocussing and changing the narrative before control was lost. Its a great movie filled with a lot of very funny moments but also some important life lessons. I don't know about you, but as an adult, life all of a sudden became so much harder than I had ever anticipated. It became a battle each day just to achieve the simplest of things and do everything that I needed to, and somewhere in amongst the washing, the cooking, the cleaning, the work, food shopping - the list goes on - somewhere in amongst the drudgery of my day to day existence, I got lost. That little girl became a distant memory, almost like a dream that I couldn't quite reach out and touch. She became a reminder of everything I believed I was missing out on. It became hard to think about it all without getting angry at everyone else because I couldn't see what I had achieved. All I could see was the world that I wanted was slipping away through my fingers with each passing second, and that little girl was blurred by the insane fog of daily life, slowly disappearing along with everything I ever wanted. It created a deep chasm in my heart and soul as I watched people around me moving forward while I stood still and stagnant. Single parenthood had left me feeling trapped, which then made me feel guilty, which then made me resent the life that I felt we should be able to have because the one that we were living wasn't where I had pictured myself. The thing is..... and this really is the crux of it.... I was so angry at the world because that little girl had such big dreams that I thought had been crushed by the realities of life, that I was stopping myself from seeing the amazing blessings that were right in front of me. I had two beautiful, healthy, happy children. Yes, they drove me to distraction at times but I was incredibly blessed that they were born without incident. They grew up with family around them that loved and adored them and were incredibly supportive during times that would have been almost impossible without them. We had a roof over our heads and food in the cupboards. Maybe I wasn't doing the type of work at the time that I wanted to but we had a home. It was warm and clean and comfortable. They had three meals a day. They had clean clothes and warm beds to sleep in and plenty of toys to play with. They grew up out in nature, collecting leaves, skimming stones, hearing stories about wizards trapped in trees and fairies saving the forest. They had love, cuddles, kisses, songs sung to them, birthday parties, holidays, friends. We didn't have much as far as the worlds idea of wealth went, and for a long time I couldn't see past that but actually, we were so rich in ways that cannot be bought, and I wouldn't change that for the world. In reality, goosfraba is not just a calming tool to be used when life gets a little lary. Its so much more than that. Its a way to stop, to breathe, to flip the narrative, change the perspective and see what is actually in front of you in the right way. I look back at that little girl who had such big dreams and I smile now. I smile because she has achieved so much more than she ever dared to hope. She has stood up and fought for the things she believes in, and the tiny part she played in that actually helped to champion real change. She has fought for those causes that are important to her and has never been afraid to speak out against the injustice she witnesses every day. She has quietly done things that have had an impact on other peoples lives at an individual level without any recognition or need to be seen, and she has so much to be proud of. She writes openly about life, about her life and is not afraid to share life experiences, mistakes she has made, lessons she has learned and the truly personal moments that have made her who she is today in the hope that her lessons may make the difference for someone else at the start of a similar journey. She has gone to hell and back, proudly and openly baring the scars of the survivor. She does not hide away and allow the anger, bitterness and hate of others that clouded her days for so long stop her from living. She has grasped that negativity, wielded it into a weapon and used it to fight her way out of the darkness that she was left in. She is a warrior. Her battles have been hard, but she continues to fight every day because she understands just how precious every single second of this life is. She is growing into a Queen who understands her true value and who is forging her way in an unforgiving world. She is learning to see the beauty of the little things that she does every single day and understand that whilst they may not seem earth shattering, those small things can turn into mighty things. She keeps her tribe close around her and has learned that not everyone needs to be part of that. Not everyone needs to love her. Not everyone should. I am her. She is me. We are one and the same with a unique understanding of what is important. We live together and apart, separated by time but joined by heart. We are the maiden and the mother, and as time moves on like a river, flowing fast and strong we will become the crone. Three stages, three existences, three different levels of understanding brought together in the same soul with a lifetime of love, experience and magic to share. This can be you. Embrace it. Don't be disappointed that life didn't go the way you had planned. I know you will have achieved so much more than you realise. You just have to stop, breathe, take stock, and understand that those achievements may not show themselves in the way that you expect, but will always be there for you to see if you just dare to look. Until next time...........

And so it begins musers.... another New Year. 365 days of choices, lessons, experiences, laughter, tears, anger, happiness and all round life enhancing experiences. For some that means resolutions and for some it means change. For some it means ignoring the sentiment of the change in the season, the beginning of something new, and burying their head in the sand rather than looking inward and making positive change in their life. For a few lucky souls, they will be completely happy and content with their lives where they are and will continue to move forward, one day at a time as they always have done, living their best lives like my little naked Kendal man. (Those of you who know, know. Those of you who don't, that is definitely a story for another time!) For me, its a huge time for change, although this past 18-24 months has already seen huge changes in the way I live, the people I allow around me and the things that I choose to do. I have experienced huge amounts of pain, made decisions that were terrifying to me and began a whole new way of living, but in doing so, I have found unbelievable strength and courage that I never realised was there. I have dug deep and faced many demons - there are still more to face but in doing that, I have realised some very important truths. I am completely unique. I am stronger than I ever thought possible. I am worth so much more than I ever allowed myself to hope for. I am courageous and fearless and if I take those steps into the unknown, the possibilities are endless. For the first time in my life, I began to choose me, and in doing so, I have begun to discover and live MY truth and be the person I never really believed I could be. Strength doesn't come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't. Nothing is impossible - you just have to believe that you can do it. I have this pinned to the bottom of my desktop screen at home. Its my reminder that nothing is impossible. There is always a way. Sometimes you can't see it but if you step back, allow yourself to rest and take the time to breathe, you will find a way. Tenacity and persistence, even when the world seems at its darkest will always help you through. I was lucky to have people around me that supported me and loved me when I began my journey. I should probably apologise to them all because I was, as my mum likes to say, an absolute rotter. I was in a bad place and I couldn't see a way out but those people gave me strength. They lifted me up when I didn't have the strength to do it myself and they believed in me, and thats where it begins. The rest musers, you have to do on your own. This is a soul journey. Its incredibly personal and its something that only you can experience but my goodness, its worth every day, every moment, every second. You are stripping back the world, removing the material connections and turning inward to the spiritual ones. You are learning to connect with the you that you really are, rather than the you that the world wants you to be. This journey is one of discovery, pain, love, fear, strength, acceptance, endurance, spirituality and learning the fundamental lessons - one of the most important of which is choice. You choose your life. Everything you do is a choice. Even the things that you feel you don't choose, you do. Now read that again. Read it a second time if you need to but take it in. Every step you have taken, YOU chose, and that can be an incredibly hard truth to accept. I know this intimately and I would say this was probably, and still is probably the hardest lesson to learn. I struggle with this one regularly. We are responsible for the life we have chosen. We are responsible for it all and making the choice to change it is hard. We are naturally inclined to blame everyone and everything else for where we are in our lives, but my friends, it doesn't work like that. I can say this as a woman who spent many years in a relationship that was emotionally and physically abusive. I chose to stay. It didn't feel like a choice at the time but the reality is, it was. But, and this is very important, I also chose to leave. That was where I began to choose me. Its been a long process but an important one because that was the point at which I began to believe in my value as a unique, beautiful and wonderful human being. Just a word to the wise though, these are lessons you will be learning for your whole life. My journey is a lifelong journey and for those of you who choose to step onto this ride, its a huge commitment but it is truly worth it. You will find yourself in a way you never have before. You will begin to shed the world and grow in a way you never thought you could. It can be a lonely journey when you first begin it, but actually, being solitary allows you to be quiet. It allows you to listen to the whispers of the universe. It allows you to connect with your soul and understand your heart in a way that you never thought was possible. It teaches you to love both your darkness and your light because both are an integral part of who you are. It shows you that you are not flesh and bone but in fact, you are eternal. You my friends, are a lifeforce that was born in the last breaths of a dying star and whose energy will continue to be part of the stars long after your physical body is gone. It teaches you that value doesn't lie in material possessions but in what you bring to the people around you. It lies in the love, empathy and strength that you offer to others and most importantly - yourself. It teaches you the divine importance and beauty of self and of self care. You are a child of the stars, completely unique in your makeup. Only you can bring your magic to the world and believe me when I say, the world needs your magic more than ever now, but to be able to bring that unique magic to those around you, you need to look after you. Self care takes you to a point where you not only learn to choose yourself and only surround yourself with energies that raise your vibrations, but it makes you the best person you can be for your tribe which is paramount. Physical life is so short and you are solely responsible for your choices and where they take you. Choose wisely my friends because there is so little time to experience all the wonder of a physical existence in this lifetime. Be that person who looks back during their final hours of this life fondly. Be the person who smiles at the memories they shared, that laughs at the experiences they had with others and that loves inspite of the losses they experienced. Be you - wholeheartedly and unapologetically because you are beautiful, you are strong and you are so worthy. I have to be honest, this blog took a totally different turn to what I was originally going to write about but I believe there is a reason for that. Maybe I needed to share it. Maybe you needed to hear it - I don't know. What I do know is that my journey has to taught me to trust my instinct, follow my heart and share whats important with the people who are important to me. Just in case you're wondering - thats you! Choose you. Choose you because its the right thing to do. Choose you because you deserve to be happy. Choose you because if you are at your best, your vibrations radiate to the people around you and can be lifechanging. You are quite literally a heavenly creation - the building blocks taken from a dying star. Don't ever forget that. Until next time............

47 years ago today, a young couple stepped up to make a commitment to love and cherish each other till death do they part. Not long after that, they attended the temple to carry that commitment through into the eternities. That young couple were my parents and they have taught me the the most precious lesson of all. That no matter what life throws at you, no matter how difficult things might seem, if you truly love someone, you can get through anything together. Their commitment spans decade's. Yes, they would have both gotten less for killing someone, (Insert winky face), but they have perservered through thick and thin and still continue to work hard every day on their relationship. I suppose this is going to be a bit of a love letter to them, but I consider myself to have been very lucky to have had the parents that I grew up with and I probably don't tell them anywhere often enough. They were my first example of marriage and relationships and learning how to live with the same person every day of your life. They were amazing parents to me and my brother and sisters - strong, loving and supportive and always there when we needed them, but they were also strong as a couple. I think that most of us realise as we get older and start to have our own families - the stuff that we remember the most is the stuff that we really didn't want to be part of as kids. I remember my dad spending time in the kitchen creating and I think this came from his dad who used to grow tomatoes on his kitchen windowsill and made the most incredible coleslaws. I remember grandad trying to educate my palate and feeding me green olives when I was 11 or 12 and I really hated them at the time. How things change! Anyway, my dad 'created' some very interesting dishes as we grew up. There was stottie pizzas made with a halved greggs stottie and fried mince - not his finest! Sorry dad! There were curries which didn't quite come together and an always slightly soggy bread and butter pudding, but what he lacked in skill, he made up for in sheer enthusiasm and I have to say, I haven't ever tasted bubble and squeak quite as good as his was. His cooking skills have improved vastly as we have grown up though and amongst his other culinary delights, he used to make jams from the fruit he grew with my mum in their allotment. Bloomin' good jam! On the other hand though, my mum was a consistently good cook, especially when it was baking. Sunday tea would consist of things like sandwiches, scones, cake and homemade lemon meringue pie. Honestly, no matter how many times I have it now, it never tastes as good as my mums did. I totally blame her for my love of cakes! Between the two of them, she was the gentler hand in the house. Dad did the disciplining and made sure we were all behaving ourselves, and mum did the hugs and the I love you's. We also did lots of days out as a family. I remember the trips on a weekend to places like Simonside and my dad ignoring the signs that sent you in the right directions. More often than not, we would end up walking many miles before we got back to where we needed to be. At the time I hated that but now I remember it fondly. It instilled a sense of adventure in me. I love a good wander now and even more so when I am visiting somewhere I don't know. You find the best spots when you let yourself get a little bit lost! I love to remember the holidays. We didn't have a lot of money growing up so there was a lot of second hand toys and clothes and hand me downs. Luckily I was the firstborn so probably less so for me than anyone else but in spite of there not being a lot of money, we had some amazing holidays. My dad would throw the camping gear in the back of the car and we would go to Scotland. Make no mistake, this was not fancy camping with hot showers and a playground and an onsite pub/restaurant. This was proper wild camping. He would pull over on the side of a road somewhere in the middle of the Highlands, put up the tent and thats where we would spend the night. There was a bucket for going to the loo in so you didn't have to wander too far and on more than one occasion there were streams to get washed in. I don't remember where it was in Scotland, but I do remember swimming in a freezing cold river at the bottom of a massive hill one morning after we had wild camped. Fab fun! We did spend time at proper sites as well but funnily enough, those memories are not as prominent as some of the others. We also went to church every Sunday as we were growing up and religion played a really important part in all our lives. We always blessed the food before a meal, we prayed on an evening before bed and we had Family Home Evening once a week. This ensured that because our lives were all so busy through the week, we had one evening that was specially for us to bond as a family. It was a touchpoint for everyone to catch up and spend quality time together talking and doing activities. I miss that sometimes and I thought it was a great example to set. Both my parents worked and myself and my siblings were forever being ferried between scouts, brownies, guides, choir, music lessons, hockey, netball, athletics, drama club, horse riding lessons....the list goes on. For them to make the time every Monday to make sure we all had a chance to connect with each other inspite of how crazy the resy of the week was, was really special. In amongst all the chaos of four kids, numerous clubs, church commitments and jobs, they still somehow managed to find the time for each other. This video was recorded at my sisters wedding and watching them together that night just said it better than I ever could. 46 years of children. 47 years of ups and downs. 47 years of commitment and giving it everything through thick and thin. 47 years and they still behave like they are on their first date. They still laugh like they just met and look at each other like it's the first time. My parents are an example of exactly what happens when you truly commit yourself to someone for better or for worse and never give up. This photo was taken as part of their original engagement shoot 47 years ago in one of my favourite places - Jesmond Dene. We practically grew up there. I got into trouble from a park ranger for picking a flower. Our dog decided to jump off the old stone bridge into the Dene below which was quite a height. I vaguely recall my dad getting stuck up a tree, although I am never sure whether that is a real memory or something I dreamed happened and it just stuck. My Uncles on my mum's side would dive off the waterfall into the water below. It has some very cool hidden spots to explore, and in one of them there is a tree that looks like someone has been trapped in it upside down. My mum used to tell us it was an evil wizard trapped in there. There was pets corner with pigs, sheep, goats and ducks and a peacock who I used to stand and watch in the hope that he would open up his tail just once for me. (He never did). It was a wonderful place to visit growing up, and I have spent many a happy day watching my two growing up there as well. Over the years, I have learned that you can have everything and still have nothing. My parents have each other and in each other they have found a best friend, a confidante, a lover, a life full of memories, family, trust, support, honour, love and respect. In each other they have found eternity and a connection that transcends this plane of existence and celebrates everything they are together. 47 years and still going strong. Whats their secret I hear you say? I think its simple. No matter what you are going through, if you truly love someone, you will find a way. Until next time.............

This Christmas has been a difficult one. This blog is not about courting sympathy or pity but about sharing something that I have come to realise comes to all of us at some point in our lives whether we are ready for it or not and that is that at some point, Christmas will be spent alone. Christmas for me has always been about family.  I always did that crazy mum thing year after year. You know the one ladies - where you are trying to kill yourself for the perfect Christmas, quite often ending up ill as a result of the stress and pressure. The thing is though, that was all just stuff. It was money that didn’t need to be spent. It was presents that didn’t need to be bought. It was trolleys full of food for just one day when there were people who couldn't afford to feed themselves never mind their families. It was focussing on everything Christmas wasn’t instead of everything that it is. Let me start by telling you about how our Christmases always went. For us, it started on December 1st – sometimes slightly earlier if the 1st didn’t fall on a weekend. I spent huge portions of my kids' lives as a single parent, even when in a relationship, but that’s a story for another day. I was so conscious every year of their Christmas being a broken one, it became my mission to make sure it wasn’t. I would behave like a woman possessed, and I think at times, the kids probably would have been quite happy with something a little more chilled! First job of the season was the tree. Always a real one until about 4 or 5 years ago when I discovered the sheer joy of buying a good fake one and not spending the whole month pulling pine needles out of unsuspecting toes! (insert laughing face here) We would put the tree up together once the branches had dropped, with the two most important baubles going on first. These were baubles bought to remember the two babies that I lost and their placing first on the tree was paramount. Then, the kids would go to town with everything else. Let me tell you, as someone who has just a touch of OCD when it comes to placement of things, this was a very stressful process for me. Baubles would be all over, no rhyme or reason to where they were put, and my stress levels would be through the roof. Mum’s... you know exactly what I am talking about! There was never tinsel on our tree. I absolutely hate the stuff. I apologise in advance,I don’t want to insult anyone but it always looked so tacky! I was always, and still am more of a feather boa on the tree kind of girl! Soft, fluffy and oh so feminine. We all have our preferences though! All this would be done to the dulcet tones of Frank Sinatra and Johnny Mathis amongst other classic Christmas song singers. Then it would be the first of many Christmas movies – the aim being to watch one a day every day in the buildup to Christmas. Sometimes that went to the wayside though because there is only so much joy one can have in 24 hours! Somewhere during the buildup, there would be a trip to Newcastle with Alex and Chase to do Fenwicks window. McDonalds, hot chocolate, a visit to Fenwicks toy section and a mooch around the market. This was such a big thing for me. As a kid, I remember my parents bundling myself and my brother and sisters up to go and see it. There would be hot chocolate for us, and we would look in wonder at whatever beautiful creation they had come up with that particular year. From there, there was always a trip to the third floor in Fenwicks. For those of you not in the know, that was the toy floor and at Christmas, it was a child's dream, (and a parents nightmare!) Decorations, giant Lego statues and so many toys that not even Santa’s workshop had a look in! Alongside the trip to dreamland, there was always a visit to see Santa. If you were to ask me what I had got at Christmas as a kid, there is very little I could tell you, but I can reel off so many experiences that we had as a family. For me, they continue to be so much more important than my parents bankrupting themselves to fill underneath the tree. The introduction of the naughty elves brought a whole new dimension of fun to Christmas in our house. This wasn’t a thing when I was a kid, but mine were still young enough when they were introduced to the world to be able to enjoy the silliness that came along with it. We had two exceptionally naughty elves that created some exceptionally frustrating situations! Every night for 24 days, the elves would get up to some crazy mischief from trying to lift kettlebells to melting a snowman with a hairdryer and gift-wrapping the toilet. They certainly added a whole new dimension of fun to the season. So, we have worked our way up to almost Christmas. During the buildup, there has been 24 days of elves, 24 days of movies, frantic present buying and wrapping, buying and dressing a beautiful tree, Christmas carol concerts and planning a fabulous dinner that caters for everyone's tastes. I’ll give you an example of just how much the crazy took over. Last year there was just me and my youngest but there were three joints of meat to make sure that everyone had something that they liked. You look at it afterwards, slowly shaking your head and wondering why your common sense decided this was the best time of the year to take a holiday! As you head towards Christmas Eve, there is then the PNP video. This was one of my favourite things and my kids were so excited every year to get a personal message from Santa. For them, that was when the excitement really began to kick in! For me, watching the wonder and joy on their faces while they watched Santa talking to them about their year and what they had asked for was worth every second of stress. We did attempt the building of a gingerbread house one year but that was a total disaster! Very tasty, but it resulted in a condemned building that would have had to be bulldozed if we hadn’t eaten it first. So musers, that takes us all the way up to Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve culminated in the yearly family gathering at my house and making reindeer dust. (Glitter and oats people - you don’t need to buy it!) The kids would then write their own magic spell so that the reindeers would be able to see it while they were flying over the house. Santas key went out because he needs to be able to get in when you have no chimney, and we would all snuggle up on the settee and watch a Christmas movie. Usually, Home Alone. Watching the kids belly laugh all the way through absolutely made my night . After the movie, we would read Twas the Night Before Christmas, put out a drink and mince pie for Santa and a carrot for Rudolph and two very excited kids would go to bed to attempt some sleep! The presents would go under the tree, the mince pie and drink would be drunk, and Rudolph's carrot would be chewed. Santa would always leave a card for the kids to say thank you and he hoped they enjoyed their day. The kids would bounce out of bed at stupid o’clock, we would read the Christmas story, they would have breakfast and then presents would be opened. Several hours later, completely stuffed with turkey and all the trimmings, they would go off to their dads and I would lie on the settee, watch It’s a Wonderful Life and eat a ridiculous amount of cheese! Satiated and happy, that was what made my Christmases. So, now we get to the crux of it. This year, none of this happened.  This year was a whole different story. Like I said musers, I don’t want sympathy. This year, everything changed as it was always going to. Change is the only thing in life that you can guarantee. It's how ready you are for it when it comes that determines how well you cope with it. We still had the crazy present buying and wrapping, but this year I decorated the tree on my own. No little hands putting things in all the wrong places. This year I didn’t see Fenwicks window and watch little eyes light up at the magical scenes they saw in front of them. This year I didn’t go to any Christmas markets or watch a Christmas movie every day. In fact, I think I could count on one hand the amount of Christmas movies that I have watched. This year, the elves stayed in their box – not even appearing to sit on the side somewhere. The yearly Christmas Eve shindig with the familiars happened and was amazing. We had two surprise guests with my Uncle George and Robert turning up unannounced, and that really made my day, but this year, Christmas Eve night had no reindeer dust. No spells. No Night Before Christmas. Alex went off to his dads on Christmas Eve night to spend his first Christmas morning with him in about 10 years, and although Chase and his partner Jasmine hung around for a bit on the evening, when they left to get ready to celebrate their own Christmas with my grand fur babies, I was left with the realisation that for the first year ever, I was waking up without any of my children at home on Christmas morning. I think that was the hardest realisation I have ever experienced. Don’t worry though musers, I wasn’t completely alone. My other half stayed over as his kids were doing Christmas morning with their mum and then going to his at lunchtime, but we both felt it so keenly. Christmas after all is about family. In amongst all the madness of preparing for the craziness of the season, it's so easy to forget the true meaning of it. All that money spent means nothing when you can’t share it with someone who you love. Those moments are so precious and as I sat reflecting on Christmases past, I got to thinking about all those people who are alone at this time of year every year. This year has not been the most fun for me. I cooked a Christmas dinner for one. I specifically didn’t watch Christmas movies on Christmas morning because I didn’t want any part of it. I missed my babies more than you could possibly imagine, but this is something that I am going to have to get used to. They are getting older and my youngest won’t be around for much longer. Things are changing, but I have been so incredibly lucky to have had 24 years of amazing times and memories with my two over Christmas.  This year brought the realisation that although we haven't had much and I have had to make ends meet the best I could for a large portion of their lives, my life has been so rich. I have a lifetime of memories with them and a lifetime more to come. They are just going to take a slightly different turn. I am incredibly blessed because what I have is worth so much more than money in the bank. I think I have learnt the true meaning of Christmas this year in the most difficult way because the change has forced me to see it very differently. We watch people going crazy trying to make things perfect and forget that there are so many who are alone. So many who don’t have family and so many for whom Christmas is not a happy time. It's easy to forget about those with nothing when we live in such a materialistic world. This Christmas has been a huge lesson for me. This is not a good time for everyone and for those who are struggling, a kind word and a smile can be the difference between them surviving the emotional stress of the season or not. Each if us have the power to change lives at this time of year, but the world encourages us to focus on all the wrong things. I suppose what I am trying to say in my usual waffly way is that maybe we all need to step back and try to focus on how lucky we are to have what we have, and in the spirit of the season, if you come across someone who is unfortunate enough to find themselves in a situation that makes Christmas an incredibly difficult time for them, take a moment to do or say something to reassure them that they are not alone. It could be lifechanging for them and for you, I guarantee you that the universe always looks kindly on those who love others without any thought of something back in return. I hope you had the most wonderful of Christmases musers. Until next time............

It's that time of year again. Christmas markets, presents, parties, turkey, turkey curry, turkey sandwiches, turkey surprise...... (insert throwing up face 😊) and despite the stress, every year, we throw ourselves into it. The shopping. The drinking. The food. The pressure. That need to have the perfect tree, the perfect presents and the perfect Christmas is so overwhelming. We try so hard to keep up with the Jones’s and then as fast as it began, it's over. Another year begins and we are back where we started. Tired, broke and trying to pull our lives back together so that we can push through another year and do it all over again. The thing is, where does it end? I am so tired this year. So physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Christmas should be this amazing and incredible time but in reality, it is this time of huge stress and pressure. If you don’t know what I mean, treat yourself to the movie Bad Mom’s Christmas. It’s a combination of hilarious and sobering when you watch mums putting themselves through hell when all they really want is a simple Christmas that brings them and their families closer. I can relate. After 25 years of trying to create the perfect Christmas and the last three years of the most hellish Christmases possible - (that is a story for another day), I think I finally get it. It's not about the presents, the lights or the giant turkey that you are eating for a month afterwards! It's not about parties or posh dresses or drinking prosecco till it's literally pouring out of your ears. It's about family. It’s about those moments that you cherish more than anything. It’s about those memories that don’t actually involve presents. For me, Christmas starts on Christmas Eve. I have the whole family across in a kind of open house type thing. There are nibbles on the table and everyone just floats over, stays until they are ready to go and then I throw everything into the bin. (Shocker.....I am one of those who does the paper plate and plastic knife and fork thing. Life is too short!!!!) Those chats, debates and my brother occasionally drinking gravy are some of my favourite Christmas highlights. My middle sister and my brother are like a boy/girl version of Laurel and Hardy and other than a full-blown debate, I will happily sit back and watch them take the mick out of each other. Its golden! My littlest sister is a quiet creature, holding her tongue until something is said that she wants to step in on. At that point she has the wit of a comedian and will take you out with more accuracy than a cruise missile! My dad dips in and out, occasionally nodding off to sleep which is adorable, but for the most part, his contribution is considered, intelligent and thought provoking. I love debating with him for this very reason. My mum is sweet, warm and emotional. She thinks and responds from her heart, and I believe this is one of her most wonderful qualities. Me, well, I just have a big mouth and lots of opinions, (if you hadn’t already figured that out). For those of you who know me, I can be a little bit of a handful during a debate but it's something I absolutely love to be involved with! Christmas Eve is chat and family time and then it turns into something really special. My babies - (25 and 16 😉), are my life. They humour me and honour me in such an amazing way. On Christmas Eve we put Reindeer Dust out. We write a poem to make it magical so the reindeers know where to land, and then we put out a baileys and a mince pie for Santa with a carrot for Rudolph. Santa is a huge fan of Baileys! We still do this even now. It's been a huge part of Christmas for me and I have so much love for my two children who continue to humour me in spite of the fact that they are pretty much adults. (For those of you wondering, reindeer dust is glitter and oats. You write the spell yourself) Santa leaves a card on Christmas morning for the kids with Rudolph's hoof print on. The presents are under the tree and the magic in the air is palpable. We read the Christmas story once my 16 yr old gets out of bed, (Reece family tradition), and then we open presents. As a kid, we always read the Christmas Story before presents were opened. We sang carols and we remembered what Christmas was really about. We didn’t have a huge amount but somehow, that really didn’t matter in amongst those moments. My dad would cook breakfast on a Miracle Maid which seemed so cool when we were young. Bacon, sausages, mushrooms, toast, eggs etc. I couldn’t tell you about the presents I got as a child, but I think I could reel off those Christmas moments that at the time I resented because they slowed down present time, but that now are some of my most precious memories. Thank you for that mum and dad. You nailed it! The thing is, and now I am getting to the point of this. Not everyone has those kinds of memories. We didn’t have a lot as kids but what we did have was a family. Love, respect, trust, warmth, generosity and somewhere we could always call home. Not everyone is that lucky. I find Christmas to be a difficult time because I want to spoil the people I love, but we are surrounded by people who have nothing. I came home from work the other day to find a tent under the subway next to my house. As a single mum, I don’t have a lot, but I have some really amazing moments with my kids, and I treasure them so much. We make the most of the little that we have but to see someone living outside in a tent just a few hundred metres from my home was heartbreaking. It got me to thinking. I have spent the last couple of months putting myself into debt for presents, and to try and make Christmas the best it can be. The reality is though, we already have so much more than 700 million of the world's population. I don’t want to preach or make anyone feel guilty, but we are so unbelievably fortunate. But for an accident at birth, our situation could be so different. In the West we have been trained from birth to put value in material goods and actually, they are worthless. They mean nothing. What is important lies in family, friends, time, the people who you love and the ties that you have to them. I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I don’t know where to start but I know that for me, it's time to let the material stuff go. That’s what causes the immense unhappiness that we witness every single day amongst some of the richest nations in the world. The need for more becomes all-consuming when you don’t understand the true value of the things that are available for free every single day. I am so lucky to have a family that I love. I am so lucky to have memories that I will hold close to my heart till the day I die, and I am so lucky to have children who value more than the ‘stuff’ that they have. My life is rich beyond compare, despite what some may define as rich. I wouldn’t change my life for anything. Merry Christmas to you all. I hope that Christmas brings you everything that you want and that you enjoy the time that you get to spend with the people that you love. Until next time..............

To Chase and Alex, One day you won't need me to rock you to sleep anymore. But until that day, I will hold you tight and feel your tiny heart beating against my chest. I will smell the sweet baby smell of your hair and I will watch your chest rise and fall with each sleepy breath. One day you won't need me to pull you to my breast to feed you. But until that day, I will cherish the quiet time spent watching you draw nourishment from my body that has been created especially for you. One day, you won't need me to bathe you. But until that day, I will smile and laugh with you while you splash in the warm water. I will hold the sweet sound of happiness close to my heart and store those moments in a precious box in a mind that is already overflowing with beautiful memories of the short time I have had you here. One day, you won't need me to lay in bed next to you reading your favourite book for the tenth time before sleep claims you. But until that day, I will hold you close and watch the wonder in your eyes and the pure joy that comes as you immerse yourself in the story. One day you won't want me to play games with you anymore. But until that day, we will climb ladders and slide down snakes, kick a ball around and pretend that we are having an adventure walking through the trees. I will wonder at your creativity and immerse myself in the worlds that you create during our adventures. One day you won't want to dance around the house with me to the latest number one hit. But until that day, I will twirl and spin and twerk till I drop just to watch you belly laughng and strutting your stuff across the floor. One day you won't want me to walk you to school or pick you up anymore. But until that day, my phone will remain in my pocket and I will listen to you telling me all about your day. I will live through your animated stories and the new things you learnt that day. I will hold you close when you're upset about playground arguments and laugh with you at the jokes you and your friends played on each other. I will tenderly hold each of those words like the petals of a delicate flower that is slipping away with every minute that ticks by. One day you won't want me to help you with your homework. But until that day I will sit with you and share what I know. I will find ways to help you understand where you struggle, celebrate your successes and encourage you to keep trying when it doesn't work out the first time around. One day you will stop sitting with me on a night time, watching telly, listening to music or chatting. But until that day I will treasure those nights. I will enjoy the shower thoughts conversations. I will laugh at you laughing at a movie that you have already seen a dozen times and give you a hug when something you're watching brings you to tears. Those moments are utterly perfect in their simplicity. One day, I will no longer be the most important woman in your life. But until that day I will treasure every kiss, every hug and every moment that I get to spend with you. One day you will be father, teacher, confidante, comfort and constant in the life of your children and I will look on with pride, love and honour that I was able to be such an integral part of your life. I hope you know that whatever you do and wherever you go in this life, I will always love you. The memories of watching you grow up and become the strong, noble, great man that I am watching you grow into every single day will be treasured more than anything else in my life. You have been my greatest joy. You have been my hardest lessons. You have given me purpose beyond anything I could have everr imagiined and you have turned me into who I am today, You are truly my greatest achievement. Thank you for choosing me to be your mother and for making my life so much more than I could have ever imagined. Thank you for being you xx Until next time..........