Does Love Equal Life?

So, on one of my many distracted moments scrolling through facebook throughout my day, I came across this.

Like most ladies I suspect, I love a post related to love. We all pretend we are modern women and we can do it all on our own, and for the most part, we absolutely can. But then something like this makes an appearance and reminds you that actually, for all that you love your life with just you in it, sometimes, in those quiet moments, there are things that you really do miss.

I am a big romantic at heart and I love being in love. I believe in it with everything in me and I know that when its right, its the most incredible thing on the planet, but I also know that fundamentally, you can't love someone in the way they deserve to be loved until you love and respect yourself enough not to actually need them.

I appreciate that sounds illogical, but stay with me. There is method in the madness!

The question we all have to ask ourselves, (and the answer will be different for everyone of us),

Is the essence of love the foundation of a fulfilling and vibrant life?

For those of you who are part of the gang already, you know how this goes from here.

I splurge a mix of thoughts and feelings, but tonight, rather than the usual process of unloading, I want to carefully pull everything apart and give it some thought because it has really stopped me in my tracks.

In reading that quote, it's made me consider everything that has gone on over the last 40 something years, and look at all of the moments that have brought me to this point in my life and moulded me into the person whose crazy waffles you are reading, (and I thank you all for that support)!

The thing is, when anyone mentions love, I think the immediate reaction is to think about romantic love and everything that comes along with that, and whilst romantic love is an amazing, incredible thing, there are so many facets to love and so many elements that make it the backbone of a happy fulfilled and successful life.

The reality is, until you stop to truly consider it, you don't realise how every element of life requires love to give you the best chance at success.

It can be the harshest lesson or the most beautiful encounter, but however it manifests, love is love and will build you or break you dependant on how you choose to experience it - and musers, it absolutely is a choice. Getting your head around that will not only save you a lot of future heartache, but also give you a freedom and control over your own life that most people don't have.

Believe me when I tell you, its a biggie!

It all starts with loving yourself.

We have seen a huge shift over the last 20 or so years and its something that was way overdue.

As we all know, there is never an excuse for being a dick, but it is paramount that you look after you first If you don't, you can't be the person you need to be for the people that you love.

Self Care has become front and centre, and not a moment too soon.

As someone who has spent the vast majority of her life worrying about other people and putting her own happiness on the backburner, I can testify to this. The results weren't pretty!

I became a shell of my former self. Withdrawn, irritable, tired, anxious, stressed..... it was an inevitable burnout that walloped me in a way I could never have seen coming.

That was the point that I had to step back and say no more, and honestly, I have never looked back.

Now, let me just clarify.

There is a huge difference between self care and being a selfish prick. Self care is about making sure you are healthy and making sure that you are meeting your spiritual, physical and emotional needs that in a way that benefits not just you, but the people around you.

Self care is removing negative influences from your life and for those that you can't get rid of, its learning to minimise the effect that they have on you.

Its learning that before you ask other people to love you, you learn to love yourself in a way that negates the need for other people love. When this happens, you don't go looking for love but it does find you in the most wonderful ways.

We hear it a lot but happiness really does come from within.

It can be a lonely journey to find that happiness and peace, but from me to you - its worth every single step. Throughout that journey, you discover so much more than just peace.

You discover yourself, and that my friends is a beautiful and sacred gift to be able to embrace.

The thing is, until you take that first step, every single experience of love will be conditional - even the love you have for family or friends because every moment of happiness will rely on someone else creating it. Thats pressure the people you love do not need. I can promise you that.

So, you start your journey with self care and self love, but once you have that nailed, there are so many other beautiful experiences to share.

I think, as a mum, the most incredible love I will ever experience is the love I share with the musings bambinos.

Not so little anymore, they have been the hardest thing I have ever done, but also the most rewarding.

Nobody prepares you for the love that you feel when you feel that baby move inside your body for the first time, or the first moment you hold them in your arms after you have given birth.

That first glance into their eyes, you know that your life is never going to be the same and you just don't care because in your arms lies everything that you are, everything you have been and everything you have yet to be.

They are a lifetime of potential, a million dreams and experiences all wrapped up in one tiny little bundle that you know you would die to protect. Its a fierce, wild, indescribable love that will never change and only gets stronger with each passing moment.

When it comes to children, love most definitely equals life because without it, how would you get through those moments where they try your patience and stomp all over your very last nerve? (Parents - you know exactly what I am on about!)

How would you navigate those moments that they make choices that you know will hurt them, but you also know you have to stand back and let them make their mistakes?

How would you move past the pain of those choices if the love involved was not all-encompassing?

So we have self love and we have the love between a parent and a child.

What about the love you share with the people you are close to though.

As I like to call them - my tribe?

Could we honestly be happy without that love?

For those of you who like a bit of Disney, I am sure you will be familiar with the below quote from Lilo and Stitch.

For those of you who have not yet had the pleasure - shame on you! Get it watched. Its ace!

I love this film for several reasons - one of the main ones being how wild and untamed Stitch and Lilo are, but in amongst that crazy, rebellious nature, they found each other. Kindred spirits who had both gone through something very different, they connected and became the best of friends.

The reality of life is that none of us get through it totally unscathed. We will all break at one point or another but we can choose whether to embrace those breaks, or run from them. Finding your tribe can be the main difference in how you experience those moments that you never think you will come back from.

My tribe has always been small. I was never one for large groups of people and when I bring someone into my chaos, I tend to hang onto them like one of those barnacles at the coast. You would have to give me a bloody hard kick to lose me!

The thing is, I could tell you a million stories about the amazing times we have had, the daft things we have done, the day we all got tattoo's together because of a nickname we were given, but the moments that they picked me up when I didn't think I had anything left - those were some of the most incredible moments of love and sacrifice.

There were days that I would have never gotten through without certain people in my life, and I will be forever grateful for them choosing me.

For me, the real beauty of your tribe lies in the fact that it is a choice that you make, and if the bond is strong enough, they will become family without even trying.

So many people will come and go in the short time you spend on this earth, but those people who truly get you, those people who want to be part of everything that you bring to the table and who take the good with the bad, those are the people who will change your life for the better if you let them.

You talk to anyone who has that bond with a friend.

It absolutely equals life in all its beauty, humour, tears and pain, and those are bonds that will never break, no matter what, as long as you nurture and protect them till the day you die.

So, what about romantic love?

Poets have waxed lyrical about it for centuries. Writers have tried to dissect its very essence and understand how it takes over our entire soul. Wars have been waged in the name of love and lives have been lost when love has gotten out of control.

Its a force of nature that we will never truly understand but without it, what would life be?

I am going to throw a small spanner in the works a little at this point, but with good reason. I promise! Romantic love is where it begins, but it is not where it ends, and this is the fundamental key to understanding love.

Learning this is what helps you to live it with every corner of your soul, and allows it to take you on a journey that will bring you to the highest peaks of ecstasy but also the lowest depths of despair along with everything that comes in between.

Love is so much more than flowers, jewellery, expensive dinners and lavish gifts.

True love - real love, is quiet and understated.

Its that secret smile across a crowded room that only you understand.

Its knowing that in your worst moments, your lover will pick you up and hold you close, comforting you in a way that nobody else can.

Its knowing every inch of their body in a way that only you can read it, but at the same time, feeling like its the first time every time they run a finger down your arm or you kiss their neck.

Its knowing that you can talk to them about anything, no matter what and they will still love you, that there will be no judgement.

Its feeling safe in their arms in a way that nobody has ever made you feel before.

True love is days out in the sun, laughing together at jokes that nobody else would understand but not caring because they are just yours and nobody else needs to.

Its those secret moments lying exhausted and spent in each others arms, safe, warm, loved and valued beyond anything that you could have ever imagined.

Its quiet whispers under a starlit sky while the moon shines brightly above you.

Its tears and pain because they are the only person with the capability of hurting you, and their words can feel like a dagger to your heart but when the pain is over, its ecstasy that reminds you why you endure those less than perfect moments.

Its being together no matter what, and understanding that sometimes, life will throw you a curveball but that together, you can hit that ball right back and keep on going because together you will always be stronger.

Its all this and so much more. Love has captivated the world for centuries because we cannot define it, categorise or explain it, and in a world of thinkers, the inability to do so is infuriating and intriguing in equal measures.

It is and will always be the essence of life in all its forms and with all its potential.

We fight love at times because we want to avoid pain but in reality, that avoidance is what creates pain and plays a huge role in stunting our growth as individuals.

I haven't even scratched the surface of what it means to love, to be loved and to embrace love, but what I do know is that the very essence of life lies within love, however you choose to love and that embracing that reality is at the very least, a new beginning and at the very most, completely and utterly lifechanging in all the best ways!

Until next time........