With A Little Help From Your Friends......

One thing I have learned as I have gotten older is just how important friendships are, and how in amongst all the craziness of life, having solid people around you can be the difference between sinking the boat or sailing off victorious into the sunset.

I remember friendship as a kid being this thing that involved everyone.

For example, birthday parties in first school consisted of inviting every kid in the class because one day, little Jimmy and Jason could be the best of friends, but the next they no longer played together because someone else was on the scene.

The idea of friendship at that age was much more about playing, having fun, running around and just being generally boisterous and a little mischievous. It didn't need to be anything more than that. That was quite simply enough because at 4 and 5 years old, what more do you need?

When you look at the reality of it, the earlier years are more for developing social skills and learning how to play nice with others. Not always the easiest but an important life lesson that even as an adult, I think most of us struggle with at times.

I have some amazing memories from those times and some friends that I occasionally still catch up with. Although our lives have all gone in very different directions, its nice to be able to touch base, and for just a few moments, shed all the stress and anxiety of adult life to reminisce about the good old days when winning at marbles and catching the boy you fancied during kiss chase was the most that you had to worry about.

I know. I sound ancient right now, but for those of you already in this age bracket, you will know intimately how nostalgia can do that to you. It has an uncanny knack of sweeping away the years as if they had never happened, and taking you right back to the playground again.

That was the playground I stopped eating Weetabix on because one of my friends told me they were made of earwigs. Haven't eaten them since.

That was the playground I chased Tony Waldron on, my first ever crush and the boy I was sure I would marry at some point!

That was the playground I walked across to go to my guitar lesson with Mr Gibson who I was also a little bit in love with. Everyday on my way into school I would pick him a flower.

I could go on and on. The memories are endless and once you start digging, its like falling down the proverbial rabbit hole!

The thing is, for a lucky few, these become lifelong friends, but for the majority of us, as we get older and begin to grow and develop, we discover new people, new ways of being and thinking, and those friendships that defined our childhood become a happy, albeit distant memory that you occasionally smile about.

Maybe that is how it should be.

I know for me, without the likes of facebook, I wouldn't have any kind of contact with the handful that I grew up with because I would have no way of finding them. Its a strange reality to be faced with because the undeniable truth is, life moves on.

Like a river, twisting and turning, life carves its route with a ferocity and determination that can be difficult to understand, but there is always a purpose, and maybe living too much in those past friendships and memories prevents the chance to make new ones.

Throughout life, our paths cross with different people and as I grew and developed, I began to figure one very important thing out.

Not everyone needs to be part of my tribe, and not everyone needs to like me.

Now, make no mistakes musers, this was not something I learned quickly. In fact, this is quite a recent discovery and it would be an understatement to say it was a lifechanging moment when it clicked!

I had spent such an incredibly long time trying to be everything to everyone that one morning, I woke up and realised I didn't actually know who I was anymore, and that was terrifying.

Those people that I had spread myself so thin for were only ever there when it benefitted them. They were happy to leave me high and dry when I needed support, but demanded every second when they wanted something.

The realisation was in equal parts incredibly freeing but also absolutely devastating.

Don't get me wrong, the devastation didn't actually come from the fact that the friendships were massively out of balance, but from the time that had been wasted on people who didn't deserve it when I knew that in reality, I deserved better.

You see, and this is always the tough pill to swallow, I had chosen to continue those friendships. I had ignored the obvious, and as a result, time that could have been spent in healthy friendships was wasted.

Its a hard reality that we all have to get our heads around and one I have written about many times.

Even when you don't believe you are making a choice, you are making a choice not to make a choice.

Its one of lifes very few constants, and something that at some point, if we want to move forward, we have to get our head around.

So, here we are, at the crux of it.

What is friendship and why is it so important?

I mean, after all, you are reading the words of someone who is more than happy to take herself out on a me date or away on a holiday alone. I have come to love my own company and its not something I would give up lightly, but in amongst those moments of happy solitude are moments with my little tribe that have been so much more than just making memories.

Those friendships have become part of what defines me as a person.

I think you can tell a whole lot about a person by watching the people they spend the most time with, and the people who have broken down my walls and worked their way into my heart are some of the most honest, warm, caring, loyal people I have ever met.

They have the most beautiful souls, capable of such warmth and beauty. Even when their own hearts have been broken, they have been a support that I cannot begin to put into words.

I was always a bit of a loner. My friendships lasted for a period and then fizzled out on their own. Nothing held any permanence for me and I was okay with that, but in amongst that fierce, self inflicted loneliness, people started to find chinks in the armour, and my little tribe of one began to grow.

Throughout the years I have collected some amazing people - some who have stayed and some who have moved on.

The wonderful thing about understanding how friendship should work though is recognising that not everyone is supposed to be in your life forever.

The universe is a fickle creature, and she brings those people to you that you need at the time that you need them. Some of those lessons are painful, but some of them are the most beautiful, wonderful lessons that you could ever experience because if you let them, those lessons will bring you souls who will expedite and encourage such incredible growth that your life will never, ever be the same again after they have entered it.

I consider my self to be one of those incredibly lucky people whose lessons have stuck around and will hopefully stick around for the rest of my life.

My tribe is small but I like it that way. They have become so much more than friends. They have become family and they hold such a special place in my heart.

In amongst the deafening chaos and noise of the world, they have become the anchor that keeps me grounded, and I hope that I have done the same for them.

I have to be honest though, in amongst those wonderfully special people, there is one who deserves a special mention. The one who has supported me through some of my darkest moments and who has always taken me as I am, warts and all.

From exploring the streets of Paris to counting sheep around Newcastle and grass animals around York - (thats a whole other blog) - we have laughed, cried, worked, studied, partied and generally caused chaos together for almost 11 years. And man, what an 11 years its been.

She truly is my friendship soul mate and I couldn't imagine not having her and her family in my life.

Without her and her unwavering support, patience and love, I wouldn't be where I am today so I am dedicating this article to my sistah from another mistah, my bestie Rebecca.

(Yes, there is two of us!)

My life would look very different without her and for that, I cannot thank her enough.

Honestly, all I can tell you is that those people who have your back no matter what, and who will always be honest with you are worth their weight in gold. They are like that because they love you and they only want whats right for you.

Hold them tight, treasure them and don't let them go over petty sillliness because it will be something you will regret for the rest of your life if you do.

I love you Becca and I can't wait for the next decade of silliness! (Sorry, not sorry!)

Until next time...............