Another Year Older - Definitely No Wiser!

So this past couple of weeks I celebrated not one, but two birthdays.

If you count him indoors its actually three which is a little bit exciting, but because the very first one has nothing to do with me other than buying pressies, we are totes gonna ignore that one!

Kidding!

Happy birthday to The Browell!

47 years young - here's to the next 47 you gorgeous creature!

Now, onto the other two because thats really what I wanted to wax lyrical about today!

The first one was the 26th September and it was the first birthday of the musings! For those of you on the facebook page, you will have seen the video I am sure. For those of you who aren't, shameful!

One day I will get round to putting all the vlogs on here, or maybe I will cheat and start a youtube page. For now though you are going to have to make a cuppa, get a couple of choccy biscuits, get comfy and

READ ALL ABOUT IT!!!

When I first started the blog a whole 365 days ago, I had no idea what I was doing. For months I had dabbled with writing, something I had always really enjoyed, and the people who knew me well were very good at being subtle about the fact that they thought I was wasting a talent.

It all came to a head on a catch up with my friend Jen, thanks Miss Hedley!

It was midweek, I had met her after work in Newcastle City Centre and we had decided to just have the one glass of wine before heading our separate ways. One glass turned into three bottles, nibbles and several stories about my then dating life that I am sure will all be revealed at some point, but our quiet night became her kicking my ass once again about not writing.

She wasn't the first, and for what its worth, I continue to get my ass kicked for not doing it for an income but for some reason, although everyone else had said the same things, that night it hit home.

Maybe it was the wine.

Maybe it was the stories I was sharing with her that changed everything.

Maybe it was just the sudden realisation that I could totally do this and have fun with it.

Who knows, but that night, after that conversation, Musings of a 40 Something was born and I have never looked back.

As someone who has a lot of life experiences to share and hopefully some wisdom that might help someone else avoid the mistakes I made, it began as almost a therapy session.

I have never been afraid to talk about the mental health issues that I have struggled with for years. Since being a teenager, I have struggled with bouts of depression, panic and anxiety.

There have been certain points through my life that the situation I was in really impacted heavily and made those so much worse, and whilst I would never suggest talking therapies etc don't work, for me they never made a difference in my life.

What I discovered though was that the moment I started writing, all that changed.

It became an outlet that allowed me to vent, chat, laugh, cry and share. It gave me a release I needed to begin to work through things that I had never considered I could because nothing had worked prior to that.

For that I have to thank you all.

I never thought this would be anything. I thought I would be lost in the maelstrom of internet blogs and madness. If I am honest, when it first started, that didn't bother me. The minute I realised how powerful speaking out loud was for me was the moment I realised I could work through so much of what has gone on.

What I hadn't anticipated was the response and that means more than you will ever know.

Yes, I am still building the following. We haven't quite reached cult status yet, probably not a bad thing, but I couldn't have got here without you all and for that I cannot thank you enough.

To the ladies who encouraged me to get started in the first place, thank you so much.

When I tell you that you saved me, I am not exaggerating. Every single one of you have done nothing but support me and without you, this would have never happened.

This blog is dedicated to you and your continuous annoyance at my lack of drive for doing this!

Thank you for never giving up on me! Rebecca, Louise, Jen and Jo - you are my muses!

Of course, there was another birthday very quickly arrived after the musers birthday. That one musers is one I am still debating on whether I want to celebrate or forget!

On the 2nd October I turned 47. (Say it quickly and its not so bad!) I am still trying to decide how I feel about this if I am completely honest. Its a little scary to think I am coming close to half a century!

When I tell you that turning 40 changed my life, I am not joking. So far, without a doubt, the absolute best decade of my life!

My 40's have changed me into everything I ever wanted and I am still becoming me. Part of that comes from seeing what I didn't want to be in my 40's, and for all those who showed me what it could be if you didn't focus on figuring out what you wanted, thank you. It showed me that I wanted so much more than settling.

For those this rings true to, I hope you all understand that you are worth so much more than what you have settled for.

For those of you who have showed me what life could be if you focus on the right things, thank you.

I didn't ever think life could be this incredible as an adult. I didn't believe that I would ever be able to be me because I had to be the me that everyone else thought I should be.

Thank you for showing me that being true to yourself and learning that being happy in your own company is the most freeing thing in the world.

My 40's have been a discovery and continue to be. Sometimes I wish that I had figured all of this out sooner but I am not sure I was ready for it.

I am a firm believer that the universe presents you with what you are ready for when you are ready for it, and my 40's were the time I became open to all the possibility that the world can throw at you.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about hitting half a century. Granted its still three years away and life most certainly doesn't stop at that point, but if you were to ask me how old I feel, I have been 23 for 24 years now! 50 is kinda scary!

For now, I am going to continue to enjoy my 40's. I am going to continue to embrace all the new experiences it throws at me. So may firsts have happened in the last 7 years and that is going to continue. Its an unbelievably exciting time!

Thank you for all your support over the last 12 months. You have been incredible and I couldn't have done it without you!

This is a celebration for you all. There are so many more tales to be told, so many more experiences to be shared and for those of you who are sticking around, I am now writing a book. You have been my inspiration and continue to be, and I love you all!

Happy 1st birthday musers and here's to so many more birthdays.

Until next time.........