When Yes Means No. Setting Boundaries Like A Champ.

Last week, I started listening to a new podcast.

For those of you who know me well, you know I love a good podcast—and this one hit the ground running for me. The link is below and I highly recommend you give it a listen.

The first episode really hit home, and whilst I totally don’t want to dis the fellas out here, this is very much aimed at the ladies—and it’s so relatable. Soz like!

🎧 Listen here

Now, let me just clarify—yes, it does say it’s for ADHD women, and being able to relate to everything in there was amazing for me, but actually—everyone and anyone can take something from it. (Even if you have a willy!)

So, there I was, toddling along on a Thursday morning on my way to the day job with the dulcet tones of Kate Moryoussef and Nancy Levin in my ears.

The sun was beaming down, the birds were singing, and everyone who passed me with a dog (or a doogle as I call them) was smiling and saying good morning.

I could have been in a Disney movie. What a morning to be alive!

Anyway, as I turned the corner to walk up the country lane, the podcast took off properly and I found myself engrossed in something we all know, but very few of us practice—especially not in the way we should, or with the people we need to. Boundaries.

So today, I will be waxing lyrical about the dreaded boundary—how crap we all are at them, and why they are such an important factor in everyday life.

And yes, as you all know, I do have a tendency to waffle. Give me a cuppa and a captive audience and I’ll take you from childhood trauma to why I can’t trust people who walk silently.

But today, I promise to keep us (mostly) on track.

(Also—what is it with those people and how do they manage not to be heard? I am like a baby elephant trying to ice skate at the best of times... 😅)

Anyway, I digress. Let’s talk boundaries.

The question is—as grown-ass adults—how many of us truly understand not only what a boundary is, but the importance of it?

Just in case you need reminding, a boundary is a physical, emotional, or mental line that you put in place to protect your peace of mind and sanity—you know ‘em!

They’re those awkward and uncomfortable little lines we’re meant to draw between us and other people so we don’t end up emotionally drained, people-pleasing gremlins with a permanent twitch in our left eye. (You all know that twitch.)

The reality is, we all talk about boundaries, but we show them the same love and devotion that we show hydration or pelvic floor exercises: very important, rarely done well, and usually ignored until it’s way too late. But why is setting a boundary so bloody hard?

As women, we’ve been taught over generations that our roles are multifaceted, but that they always revolve around everyone else before ourselves.

We’re mothers, cleaners, chefs, nurses, teachers, wives, and friends.

We’re advisors, role models, support systems, managers, organisers, therapists, financial planners, event planners and nurturers.

(Quick FYI before the lovely fellas get their knickers in a twist—this is not to say what you do has any less value. This isn’t a dig. I come in peace. Promise.)

The point is, although we are getting better at not being martyrs, there’s still a long way to go,

because for many of us (hello, recovering good girls and chronic overachievers—you are my people), the idea of someone not liking us—or worse, being disappointed in us—is more terrifying than a wasp in the car.

So instead of saying, “Actually, I can’t help you move house with 15 minutes’ notice,” we say, “Of course! Do you want me to bring snacks too?”

Spoiler alert: that’s not kindness.

That’s self-abandonment, wrapped in cling film and labelled “helpful.”

Stop it—like yesterday.

The episode of the podcast I mentioned, (seriously, go listen, it’s like therapy but free and without the pressure of not crying in front of a stranger), reminded me that boundaries aren’t walls.

They’re fences with gates that we control.

They let the good stuff in and keep the energy vampires out.

You know the ones—the people who treat your time, your kindness, and your mental wellbeing like it’s a free buffet.

(And if you’re that person—stop. It's not cute.)

Setting boundaries doesn’t have to be dramatic. You don’t need to send a scroll with wax seals or prepare a PowerPoint presentation. Sometimes it’s as simple as:

• “I’m not available this weekend, but I hope it goes well.”

• “I don’t have the capacity for that right now.”

• “No.”

• Just "No". Thought I would stick it on twice cause its totally allowed!

  
  

I’m not gonna lie to you—at first, it feels mega uncomfortable - like keeping your bra on after work or wearing heels post-30. We all know that feeling!

But it does get easier—and the peace it brings? Wowser.

You get your time back.

You get your energy back.

You get you back.

And the people who respect your boundaries? They’re the ones who deserve to be in your life anyway.

So before I spiral into a full-blown TED Talk - if you’ve been feeling resentful, overwhelmed, or like everyone wants a piece of you - this is your sign.

Put the fence up.

Lock the gate. Electrify it if you need to.

Boundaries are self-care. Boundaries are self-respect.

Boundaries are the Beyoncé of emotional wellbeing, and once you start setting them, you won’t stop.

You’ll be out here like:

So, my musers, here’s what I want you to do…

Think of one boundary you need to set. Just one.

It might be with your boss, your mum, your best mate, or that one group chat that makes your phone vibrate like it’s trying to escape Alcatraz.

Write it down. Say it out loud in the mirror. Practise it with your dog if you have to. (Just not while he’s in the bath, yeah?)

And when the moment comes—go all Nike on it and just do it. Because the version of you who’s no longer saying “yes” out of guilt?

She’s flying. She’s thriving.

She’s basically had a solid 8 hours with Chris Hemsworth rubbing her shoulders and Henry Cavill humming a lullaby in the corner. Just imagine.

If you’ve got a hilarious, outrageous, or heartwarming boundary moment, I would love to hear it!

Knowing we all struggle to say no makes it just a little easier. You are not on your own trying to find your inner peace. I promise, it’s there, and we’re all rooting for you.

Drop your story in the comments, message me, send a pigeon—whatever works.

Let’s build a boundary-loving corner of the internet where we cheer each other on while learning to say “no” with confidence and a bit of sass.

We’re not being difficult.

We’re being intentional - and quite frankly, it’s about time.

With love, tall fences, and absolutely no guilt,

Until next time...